the chubblez-ator 2000 (ROTS post)

warning: starwars spoilers abound!
DO NOT READ if you haven't watched starwars ROTS.
DO NOT READ if you haven't the time.
DO NOT READ if you are sane.
DO NOT READ. JUST DON'T READ.
YOU MAY WANT TO READ ABOUT THE CHUBBLEZ-ATOR 1000 FIRST.

it's not the east or the west side... no it's not.
it's not the north or the south side... no it's not.
it's the dark side... you are correct.
keep fronting the empire...
to all you vader-haters out there, we'll blow your planet up!

i love revenge of the sith!!!

despite how the anakin-guy can't act, despite the unbelievable each-jedi-massacres-100-droids scenes, despite anakin joining the dark side in super-quick time of 36 hours, despite padme dying because "she lost the will to live" (???), despite the lame "NOOOOO" growl from darth vader, despite the really really really bad dialogue, despite the very repetitive (but nice) soundtrack, despite... alright you get the drift... despite ALL THIS AND MORE,

ROTS is still the best starwars episode. ever. and my favorite tragedy. ever. the movie brought on a whole myriad of emotions- admiration, anger, disbelief, horror, sadness and most importantly...

FULL-BLOWN LUST. ROTS is such a turn-on!

check out the actors!

EWAN McGREGOR!

HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSON!

huh? oh...

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN!

wadeva. erm...

NATALIE PORTMAN!

ARTOO!

what? ah-du? oh... OH...

R2!!!

and of course

BLACK MAN WHO LOOKS LIKE YODA!

also known to a handful of people as SAM JACKSON!



WHAT A VERY HOT CAST!!!



but nothing quite prepared my eyes for this... MY EYES! MY EYES!

OH FORCE! OH FORCE! i'm hyperventilating. OH FORCE!

seriously, isn't this the most handsome villain in the world?
planet?
star system?
universe?
galaxy?
wadeva?

darth vader is such a icon, isn't he? i nearly came during that brilliant brilliant brilliant masking ceremony. what a moment to go down in history.

i'd join the sith anytime to be with lord vader.

besides, the dark side is way cooler than *cough* the light side? *frowns*
it's much easier to join too.

you don't believe me?

alright then, let me ask you a few questions.









your test results:

if you answered NO to all questions or your name is ray shaw...
CONDOLENCES! you are a JEDI.
you are generally good, honorable, selfless, brave and cautious. you like order and enjoy rules. you believe there's a time and place for everything and that's "NOT NOW". you are a strong character not easily swayed or tempted by the good life. most importantly, you are a major bore and not very fun to be with. you are likely to die when clonetroopers shoot you in the back.

if you answered YES to any of the questions or your name is chong wan'er...
CONGRATULATIONS! you are a SITH.
you are generally bad, corrupt, selfish, cowardly and impulsive. order hate you disgust you rules. you believe there's a time and place for everything and it's always "NOW NOW NOW". you are a weak character who is easily seduced by the dark side or promises of the good life. more importantly, people say they hate you but secretly wish they could be more like you. you are likely to outlive jedi unless they happen to be little green gnomes.


although most of us have a sith-streak, very few of us are siths.
the most-obvious reason is that most of us cannot use the force.
the other is that most don't see the need to reveal the sith in us.

very often, it's really easy to be a good person. it's not a conscious choice.

but it's a very different thing when put to the test.

what if in return for joining the dark forces, someone offers...
to save your dying wife?
to teach you new powers?
to let you rule the galaxy?

to give you a chubblez-ator 2000.


NEW AND IMPROVED CHUBBLEZ-ATOR 2000! CHANGE WHATEVER YOU HAVE INTO WHATEVER YOU WANT! NOW COMES IN A NEW HANDY SIZE! CARRY THIS IN YOUR HANDBAG! PRICE: YOUR SOUL ONLY! GAIN SITH MEMBERSHIP AT THE SAME TIME!!!

i've been wanting this my whole life! just imagine the possibilities.

you can't? alright, i'll show you the top ten things i'd do with my chubblez-ator 2000.

first, i'd trade MONEY


for ALOT OF MONEY!!!


so much that i can throw some away!


second i'd trade my room


for anna sui's room!


third, i'd trade my anna sui collection


which includes the white collection


the black collection


the dolly girl collection


even the secret wish collection


OOPS!!!

the secret wish collection


even my lovely anna sui charm bracelet


FOR MY VERY OWN ANNA SUI STORE!




fourth, i'd trade my junk food tees for


MORE


JUNK


FOOD


TEES!


fifth, i'd trade my gold and silver


for MORE GOLD AND SILVER


sith, i'd trade my cat


for the anna sui hello kitty



NAH!

but maybe for a LILAC-POINT BIRMAN KITTEN!


and while we're at it,

seventh, i'd like to trade this


for THIS!!!

and i don't just mean the dress!

eighth, i'd want to trade THIS


for THIS!!!

and i'm not talking about the hair.





but after those changes, i'd probably be too gorgeous for ray.



so i guess i haven't a choice.



i have to kill him!


or i'd just have to ninth, trade RAY


for LORD VADER!!!




AND IF YOU STILL BLOODY HELL DARE TO THINK THAT LORD VADER ISN'T

GORGEOUS ENOUGH FOR THE NEW ME...

OR

SEXY ENOUGH TO GIVE ME MULTIPLE ORGASMS...



I SAY TO YOU...



FFFFF...



FFFFFFFFFF.....



FORCE! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!

I NEED BOTH RAY AND LORD VADER FOR THAT!!!


tenth and finally, i'd have to trade my goody-goody boring green lightsaber


for my cool, new, edgy, RED LIGHTSABER!




OH FORCE!

I HAVE DECIDED.

to sell my soul to the sith for a chubblez-ator 2000.
to train to be a sith lord.
to be lord vader's padawan!



and if i've also convinced you to get a chubblez-ator 2000...



5 words...



"I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY".



i mean...



"WELCOME TO THE DARK SIDE."